Bonus time with our traveling cutie.
We’re going to poke Brax and see what that confusing cutie has been up to. Well, he’d say Earthlings are the weird ones and he might be right.
If you read my novella in the Dirty Daddies Monster Anthology (The Professor and His Little Roo), the next Earthling Brax tells you about will be familiar. This short mentions characters from that story, but I don’t think it contains major spoilers for The Professor and His Little Roo. (But that isn’t a new book, so if you haven’t read it, it’s time to get caught up.)
You don’t need to have read that story to enjoy this short, but if you have, the cameo will probably make you smile.
Some characters are just a handful.
Hitchhiking and Stubborn Earthlings
Humans came in many more types than I was led to believe, but since I had no one but the people of Earth to complain to, I kept my thought to myself.
Still, my education on Earth people had been highly inaccurate.
Was it polite or rude to ask what version of Earthling someone was?
Even with all my traveling since I had arrived, it was not clear as the people of Earth seemed to think it should be. Some hid very carefully and became upset when anyone guessed they were other than human. Some pretended to hide while doing it badly, like the dragons who had taken Earth as their home. Some ignored the strangeness of others, like the humans and individuals who lived near the portal.
“I enjoy walking but thank you for stopping to make sure I am safe.” I wasn’t sure why walking to new locations made humans so uncomfortable, but their rambling explanations had not helped clarify it.
However, the females of Earth were especially strong caretakers, which was the only logic I could find in the number of ways they told me I was living wrong.
“I don’t think you understand, sweetheart. We’ve got gators and big cats and…well…we’ve got a lot of things that would make a snack out of you.” She seemed to give off every indication of being earnest in her worries…but I wasn’t sure what she was.
I’d learned very early in my time on Earth not to get into the vehicles of people with conflicting auras.
Her aura didn’t seem to indicate she’d killed a large number of people and was pleased about it, but that human hadn’t looked dangerous to begin with either.
“I’ve already run into your alligators and I was fine.” It didn’t take a strong spell to repel the large creatures and they were tasty. Still, I knew not to explain that to a female of any type of Earthling. For some reason, they thought the animals highly dangerous and one that should not be consumed. “Thank you, though.”
The human expression of being stubborn settled over her face and I knew it was going to be a difficult conversation.
“I just can’t leave you this many miles from town. You’re not even heading toward the interstate. There isn’t much this way.” Her glance in the direction I was walking made me wonder if she knew the town in question had been labeled as odd.
I was hoping odd meant more than just strange humans who farmed and liked to be naked.
“I promise I am fine.” I had no desire to deal with another person of Earth who liked to kill randomly. “Thank you, though.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Hop in and I’ll take you back to the Cracker Barrel over by the interstate. You’ll be able to find someone there to take you to a bigger city.”
That sounded miserable.
Ha, I was sounding like a human already…or whatever she was.
Her frown suggested she was not going to be deterred by polite refusals. “I don’t know what species of Earthling you are and I’ve had some unfortunate altercations with a variety of dangerous individuals over the past few months. I will not get into a car when I don’t know what you are.”
She looked human but something was off, and I was confident she was not human.
She was of Earth because she gave me the same confused frown they all did, but I was still not going to get into the vehicle.
They went fast and were dangerous when they stopped suddenly.
“Oh.” Her head tilted and her smile returned. “I didn’t realize you weren’t human. Do you see auras? My new son-in-law sees those. He’s a sweetie but he’s easily distracted. How do you manage? I’ve been trying to do some research on it but the internet hasn’t been helpful at all.”
The people of Earth could talk to anyone.
“There are several spells that can be applied to objects that will help dampen the effect of auras. He will just need to focus more if he wishes to use his skills while wearing the…suppressor.” That was not the right English word but I’d never had to use the correct one before and I wasn’t sure which one to pick.
English had several words for every object, emotion, and descriptive expression.
“That’s wonderful.” She patted the seat on the passenger side and looked less intent while still trying to get me in the car. “My name is Ramina. Where are you staying? I’m going to need to talk to you about that aura suppressant. I can see why you were heading in this direction, though. You’re going to fit right in.”
The women of Earth were very good at getting their way.
I had even taken another step closer to the vehicle before I realized what I’d done. “I’m sorry. What species of Earthling are you? You don’t match.”
I really needed to learn more English words related to magic.
I’d spent entirely too much time around regular humans and people of Earth who were pretending to be human and I had not practiced enough magical vocabulary.
“Oh.” She looked down at herself and laughed. “I forgot I look human.”
She had?
How?
Was she one of the species that grouped themselves under the word shifters?
Still smiling, she looked back up at me. “We don’t blend in well, so we’ve adapted to appear human when it’s necessary. I had some errands to run and I wanted McDonald’s. Don’t tell my husband about my treat.”
“I won’t.” That didn’t mean I was getting in her vehicle, though. Did she realize she hadn’t given me any useful information? “I hope you had fun running errands. Drive safely.”
That usually encouraged humans to continue moving in their vehicles, but she smiled and somehow radiated stubbornness. Fascial expressions were odd but I thought I was reading her correctly. “We have alligators.”
Why was everyone so afraid of those?
“I am capable of repelling any size predator. Any size.” Including the dangerous human variety. “But thank you.”
Were our females as stubborn as the ones on Earth and I just had not realized it?
Did their surprising array of emotions make them only seem more stubborn?
“I’m what’s colloquially called a Bigfoot. No one uses the real name for our species. But I don’t think any of us have ever turned into crazies or serial killers, though.” She frowned, obviously searching her memory. “We’ve got some odd groups that have done the whole back to nature thing, but they’re strange and stubborn, not dangerous.”
Ah.
“I’ve heard of your people but have not run into any in my travels.” No matter what the plain humans of Earth thought, they were not the only types of people living on their planet. “I found a book on your people in a library.”
Children’s books were highly educational and had the most interesting topics, unlike the adult stories who just wanted to talk about monsters and mating rituals.
“What did it say about us?” As I finally opened the door and climbed into her vehicle, she seemed to enjoy the new topic. “Most of the time they’re ridiculous and have us being basically no smarter than bears.”
“This one was about a small female Bigfoot who wanted to go to school in the human world.” My response had her eyes going wide.
“Oh dear.” I was fairly certain her expression was indicating worry. “That’s not good. That sounds a bit too realistic.”
Yes, based on what she’d said about looking human, she was correct.
“Some people just can’t make good decisions.” Reaching over, she patted my shoulder. “You seem like a very nice boy, though. Let me tell you about my son-in-law. He looks human and could use some new friends.”
Females of Earth were very interesting…and liked to share all the information they knew.
“What are your thoughts on playdates?”
The people of Earth were very confusing…and did not all seem to be using English the same way.
Playdates?
***
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Southern Charm Bonus Shorts is a collection of 6 short bonus stories taking place in my shared Myths, Legends, and Southern Charms Series and Blue Ridge Magic Series world.
Contains the stories:
-Mismatched Auras and Helpful Humans
-Hitchhiking and Stubborn Earthlings
-Sparkly Earthlings and Electronic Leashes
-Meatballs and Edible Ties
-Human Entertainment and New Friend Confusion
-Location – Location – Location