“Tag. You’re it.” Conner looked more insane than usual as he glared a guy into the chair beside me. He literally pointed and frowned like the guy was a misbehaving dog who needed to go in time-out.
Was he a pup?
“I’m done going in circles and I think you’re the best one to get straight answers out of him.” Conner pointed to my guest when I just raised one eyebrow. “Ben’s out tonight, and if I can’t spank him, I’m not dealing with him.”
When the dramatic club owner twirled around and walked away, I gave up expecting good answers from him and turned to the man who’d just out-bratted the biggest troublemaker I knew. “Good evening.”
“I don’t know what I want or what I need, but I’m a little bit done with people in general.” Crossing his arms over his chest like a toddler pitching a fit, he huffed. “I’m supposed to spend a month trying to find happiness and that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard but I want to keep my house.”
I could see why he and Conner hadn’t gotten along.
“Well, it seems like we’re starting at the beginning, so let’s go from there.” It’d take a lot more than this dramatic cutie to rattle me, so I settled back in my chair and studied him for a moment.
It got his hackles up and he glared even deeper at me, but he didn’t stomp off or pitch a fit again.
“Did Conner explain that I’m a Dom?” I didn’t switch and wasn’t searching for myself. I was a Dom and I wanted to make sure we didn’t have any confusion about that.
Based on the way he went still and blinked at me, that wasn’t where he thought I would start. “Yes.”
So maybe he had some manners?
“Did Conner explain that I’m single but that I don’t play around randomly? I require at least a goal of a short-term relationship before I’ll scene with someone.” There was no way to really please a sub based on one conversation in the lounge.
Unfortunately, a lot of the subs lately were in the love ‘’em and leave ‘’em category.
I wasn’t doing that.
“Yes.” Swallowing, he seemed ready to give me better answers. “He also said that you’ve explored a lot of different things which could be helpful.”
Well, that was more information than we’d started with.
“I can appreciate submission in a variety of ways, so if I bring something up that you don’t like or is not part of your current limits, I just need you to say it clearly or safeword. I won’t ever get upset over your limits, especially because there is always something else we can do.” I was creative, but he seemed to be confused, so I wasn’t sure if he understood what I was saying.
“He said there’s always another way to orgasm, so I think that’s what you mean.” His response left me with more questions than he seemed to realize.
What had he said to Conner to make him that insane?
“That’s part of it, but just feeling relaxed and…and let’s call it centered can be more important than an orgasm. Think of it like there’s always another way to find happiness.” Which seemed to be what he needed to hear based on how he cocked his head. “Do you know what kinds of activities, sexual or not, that make you happy?”
He blinked at me.
Did he need an example?
“I like reading mysteries when I’m relaxing at home. I like to travel. When it comes to BDSM activities my favorites are…let’s call them low impact ways to use a sub.” I wasn’t sure he understood what I meant in any way, so I reached for some examples. “Like when I’m reading, having my sub at my feet being a good cockwarmer would make me very happy.”
It didn’t take a lot to make me happy, but I wasn’t sure my new friend could say the same.
Pausing to see how he’d respond, I knew I couldn’t react no matter what he came up with, but it took him a few long moments to find anything. “I…I like to get my work done efficiently.”
His response was sad and not surprising.
What had his life been like to this point?
“I bet you do a very good job with work and I’m guessing I’d be very impressed.” Whatever he heard in my voice must’ve read as sincere because I could see the tension he was holding ease. “We just need to find other things that give you the same feeling of accomplishment.”
We’d start with that and slowly move our way to happiness.
“I’m very organized in most situations.” That was something he was proud of and had him sitting straighter. “This is just not something I’m good at dealing with.”
That was probably the biggest understatement I’d ever heard.
“We’ll start with logical questions and goals based on what you know and where you’re at.” He was good with planning and being efficient, so we’d skip flirting and small talk. “The first thing I understand is that you need to explore what makes you happy over the next month. Is that correct?”
“Yes.” For whatever reason he actually seemed more relaxed with the conversation. “I haven’t wasted time, so I have a full twenty-nine days left. I wish it were more but I spent one day trying to plan this out on my own. It wasn’t helpful.”
Telling him how adorable he was would’ve been the wrong way to handle the situation, so I nodded. “It’s a reasonable start, but we’ll keep going so you don’t lose any more time. Are you sure that you want to explore happiness through BDSM and did you make any decisions yesterday that you think I need to know for us to start?”
I was pretty sure his blinking and simply staring at me was because I’d asked good questions but waiting patiently to figure that out wasn’t easy. After a few moments, he nodded slowly and his processing seemed to go faster. “It was politely worded but the will makes it clear I’m supposed to find happiness through some sort of sexual means or romantic relationship.”
He had weird relatives.
“I decided to explore happiness through male-on-male contact because it wasn’t off-putting and my time dating women was not enjoyable.” His glare came back. “In any way.”
Male-on-male?
How did he see himself?
He didn’t even seem to be labeling himself bi-curious.
I didn’t need completely gay but I’d never even considered dating someone straight.
“I find them confusing too, so no judgment here.” The fact that I wasn’t sexually attracted to them went into that, but pointing that out wouldn’t help me connect with him. “Do you have a frame of reference for what male-on-male contact looks like?”
Porn?
Dirty books?
I knew I wasn’t going to get any of those answers when he perked up and sat straighter again. “I had neighbors last year who were a very nice gay couple. They were polite and wonderful neighbors, but it wasn’t until they moved that I realized they might’ve been into BDSM as well.”
Okay, well at least they’d been good examples of gayness?
“What makes you think that?” I was prepared for anything from reasonable to odd and made sure to keep my expression neutral.
“A few of their packages were delivered to me in error.” His hands came up and his frown came back. “I didn’t open any, but the names of the companies stood out.”
Ah.
“A quick Google search made it clear they sold interesting toys and novelties, but I didn’t make the connections or think about using that information as a form of research until after they moved out.” He seemed disappointed about that, but his shrug said he knew there wasn’t anything he could do about it.
“I think you’ve found a good starting point.” I wasn’t sure if he was somewhere on the ace spectrum or if another label would fit better, but sticking with the fact-based information gathering seemed like the best way to continue. “One thing you need to think about is if you could either find a man sexually attractive or romantically attractive in some way.”
He shifted back to blinking and frowning, so I knew I had to try again. “Just feeling neutral about being touched by a man isn’t going to help in the happiness search.”
He didn’t seem to have as much of a negative reaction to the idea of being with a guy, but I wasn’t sure where his feelings on women had come from.
“Ah. That’s a good point.” The way his head cocked told me he was thinking about what I said, but it wasn’t a quick process. “Desire has to be part of the equation in some way.”
He had the most interesting responses.
“Yes.” It really did in this case. “Do you think you could react physically to me under the right circumstances or do you think you’d be drawn to someone with different characteristics? Younger. More emotive. Older. A different body type. There are also endless personality quirks that people can be attracted to as well.”
The way his face tightened said he didn’t like the question. He was thinking about bratting out again. I could see him considering it but one raised eyebrow had him pulling it back and trying to find a good answer. “I find your calm demeanor to be a positive characteristic and I think I like how broad you are.”
I had to fight not to smile when he waved a hand in my direction. “We’re very different physically but I don’t mind that. I might like how opposite we are?”
That was a very logical reaction.
Anyone could look short compared to Conner when he was wearing mile-high heels, but my new friend definitely wasn’t on the top end of the height charts. “Some people don’t like my size for a variety of reasons, so you won’t offend me if that makes you uncomfortable in a negative way.”
“A negative way because in BDSM there can be ways of being uncomfortable that the submissive partner enjoys or even craves.” He jumped right over the size thing but I wasn’t sure how deliberate it was. His mind was an interesting place and I couldn’t make assumptions yet.
“That’s correct. It can vary between individuals, though.” Hmm. “Are you comfortable with the label of submissive in this situation?”
He paused, but it wasn’t as much of a thought-provoking question as I thought it might be. “I’m very take-charge in my daily life, but I don’t think that will carry over into BDSM the same way.”
“Why?” I might’ve talked around the issue a bit with someone else but not with my new friend.
“I don’t know and I don’t like that.” He was back to looking like he wanted to stomp his foot. “Part of it was a visceral response to the idea of dominating a partner.”
He was very vague with the gendered language around sexual situations.
“Then we’ll progress with that as our assumption and reevaluate it at a later date if we need to.” He might be a switch but his inner brat said sub to me, especially from what I saw of his interaction with Conner. “Gut reactions go a long way in helping us to decide which directions to take, so I think you’re doing very well so far.”
It left me with questions about why it’d taken him so long to get to this point but it wasn’t the time for any of them.
Oh.
He’d liked that.
Shoulders relaxed and he let out a deep breath…it wasn’t an obviously sexual pleasure but he liked being praised. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” We’d made progress but I wasn’t sure what road we were heading down. “If you’d like my help to figure out what parts of BDSM and male-on-male physical contact might help you find happiness, I’m comfortable with that, but I think our next step needs us getting closer together to see how you react to my touch.”
There was only so far we could explore if he didn’t want me to touch him at all, so we needed to figure out his boundaries on that aspect.
As he considered my point, his gaze scanned over me but it felt more clinical than sexual. “That’s very practical but I don’t want to hurt your feelings or take advantage of you in some way.”
That was good to know.
“Even if we just end up as new friends because we discover you don’t like being touched by a man, I will not feel that you’ve taken advantage of me.” He needed logic and facts, so I was clear as I continued. “I enjoy talking to new subs and the idea of being the first man you explore this with touches on my own kinks.”
Blink.
Blink.
“Oh, you like the idea that I haven’t done this with another man.” He seemed to find that interesting but not offensive. “I’ve never done this with anyone, so that might make you feel even more excited about the situation.”
His sudden pause and cocked head were interesting but I didn’t think I had anything to worry about yet. “I could assume you meant sexually aroused, correct?”
I was starting to see why dealing with women hadn’t gone very well.
“Yes. It’s a caveman kind of reaction but it’s arousing.” I was too old to feel bad about what turned me on, so I answered as logically as I could considering we were talking about kinks. “It would stop being arousing if what we were doing upset you, though. My desire in that type of situation goes hand in hand with the submissive’s reactions.”
His slow nod said he was processing what I’d said but he hadn’t reacted enough for me to know what he was thinking. “You wouldn’t mind getting turned on while we figured this out?”
I wasn’t sure how to respond to that when he looked down at himself and frowned. “I’m assuming you need to find me reasonably attractive for this to work. I’m skinnier than seems to be considered attractive in men these days.”
My expression was under control by the time he focused back on me, mostly because I wasn’t sure he’d understand why I wanted to smile, and I wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see. “Physically you are attractive. The size difference is something I enjoy as well because I’m most turned on by a sub who can comfortably sit in my lap. I also like your eyes and you have a very kissable mouth.”
The way his brows pulled together said something hadn’t really computed. “Conner said you were very honest and wouldn’t get distracted by my behavior.”
They must’ve had the craziest conversation…and I had a feeling my new friend had been deliberately trying to get Conner worked up.
“I think that’s a good assessment of my personality.” What else could I say? “But he also knows that I find a little bit of drama cute, so I’m doing my best not to encourage your bad behavior. I’m also not the kind of Dom that would get angry over you being a bit difficult, so I’ll be patient while you figure out what makes you happy.”
And the confused look was back.
“You think I’m cute? Was that what you were saying?”
That was where he’d gotten stuck?
Was me finding him cute a good thing or something I had to apologize for?
