Leap of Faith Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“You’d look sexy dressed up like that.” Bailey must’ve been deep in thought when I spoke because instead of focusing on the sub, who was decked out in leather straps and not much else, his gaze jumped to a little in overalls that had an elephant on the front.

Bailey’s eyebrows went up, making me chuckle. “No, not him. The sub behind him. That’s not what I would call sexy.”

Cute was probably a better word for someone who was sucking on a binkie and dragging around a three-foot rabbit stuffy by the ears.

Anywhere else the sight might’ve had people asking questions, but at Bound & Controlled, a gay BDSM club, it was par for the course.

Bailey was still giving me an odd look, so I nudged his shoulder and grinned. “You’ve got the body to pull it off.”

He was muscular but lean rather than bulky, not what I’d call a twink, but he looked damned good in everything from a suit to nothing at all.

He finally scoffed. “I think I’d feel trapped, and not in a good way.”

I laughed, shaking my head. “There is nothing wrong with having clothes that fit. I swear, you would dress like a kid if you could get away with it. Just soft oversized t-shirts and shorts.”
He was too hot to always wear such baggy clothes, but the club seemed to be the only place he wore sexy stuff that fit.

Not that I’d seen him outside of the club much.

In the year we’d been meeting at the club, we’d only seen each other outside of it a few times. Both our jobs kept us busy, and as a paramedic, he worked crazy hours, but I was starting to think there was something else holding us back.

Sure, when we’d originally met we’d clicked and had hooked up occasionally, doing a scene every few weeks, but gradually that had changed to a few scenes a month. However, the only times we’d gone out to dinner, it’d felt awkward and like something had been missing.

Eye contact and a nod from Ben, one of the owners of the club, had me glancing at my watch. I smiled when I realized it was time for our room. “You ready to go have some fun? Our room is ready.”

He was looking more relaxed than he had been earlier, but even though we’d talked for a while in the lounge, it still felt like something was off, so I added, “Or we could just hang out tonight. You seem distracted.”

Our jobs were both so stressful that occasionally a scene just wasn’t right and we’d end up hanging out with friends or simply talking for the evening. But I wasn’t sure what would be best tonight.

Bailey shrugged but didn’t deny it. I appreciated the honesty but not the vague explanation when he said, “Just a lot on my mind.”

There was a small part of me that wanted to lay down the law and say that he had to explain more, but that had never been how our relationship had worked.

If it could even be called that.

Was it a relationship when we only met to have a scene?

Probably not.

“Need to share? You’re distracted enough that I’m not sure the scene we were planning is a good idea.” He had to be in the right frame of mind to be gagged and restrained, and it didn’t seem like the right night to keep him trapped in his own head.

Bailey’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe not, but I just…I need something.”

Again, honest but only mildly helpful.

I could see that at the very least he needed to talk something out. For a split second I wished I had at least ten more years on me so I would’ve had a better idea about what to do. Thirty seemed old enough that I should know how to handle any situation…until something like this came along.

“You need to get something off your chest, right?” He nodded but stayed silent, just watching me. “Do you need someone to listen or your Dom to make you talk it out?”

It was a new direction for us, but it seemed to feel right to both of us because he answered without needing to think about it, and he only did that when at least some part of him knew what he needed. “My Dom.”

With that decision made, I felt lighter and more focused.

“Then let’s go to our room.” The plans might have changed, but we still needed privacy and a flogger, so I stood and held out my hand.

That was new too, but again, it felt right, and since we’d already wandered off the path, I decided to see where we would end up…because it couldn’t get any stranger than it already had.

Bailey stared at it for several seconds before slowly reaching out and resting his hand in mine. With all the scenes we’d done and the topics we’d explored, somehow it was that one touch that was so impactful.

The thoughtful expression on Bailey’s face said he felt it too, but he rose and kept his hand in mine as we made our way through the club. The weight of whatever he needed to talk about seemed to be hanging over us, so we were both quiet until we got to the room and closed the door.

Normally I’d have him strip for me because something about the slow act of making him take off the little shorts was incredibly erotic, but today I changed things up again. “Go stand by the cross and keep your hands at your side.”

He quickly moved to obey, but I could see the unasked questions running through his mind. Instead of finding a teasing, almost flirty way to ask me what I was doing, he kept everything inside still. I just wished I knew what was making it so hard for him to open up, but it looked like the only way I was going to find out was to break down a few walls.

I let him watch me pull out the flogger along with a paddle and wooden spoon before bringing them over to the small table by the St. Andrew’s cross. When I had them displayed and the tension started to climb, I turned to study Bailey.

The normally smiling sub wasn’t trying to hide excitement under his careful facade like he sometimes did. When he wasn’t stressed and the scene was more for fun than a way to chase out the demons that came with his job, he could get almost giddy with excitement.

It seemed like something he was embarrassed about, so I never mentioned it. But I had a feeling that he was longing for the giddy times instead of whatever was running through his head.

When he seemed to be losing the fight to stay still and quiet, I finally spoke. “If you’re good and answer my questions, I’ll use the flogger or the paddle. But if you hide what you’re feeling or you refuse to answer my questions, then I’ll use the spoon.”

He wouldn’t safeword from the spoon. In fact, I was pretty sure he didn’t even think it was that painful, but it had to be his least preferred method of being spanked.

Hell, I’d had to safeword one time when he’d picked the cane over the damned spoon.

All he’d said was that he didn’t like the way it felt. I’d stopped using it after that, but tonight I had to bring out the big guns.

Bailey swallowed like his mouth had gone dry but nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

What the hell had happened at work?

I wanted to just demand the answers, but I knew that wouldn’t help the situation. From what little he’d said about his family, I’d gathered that his parents were academic sorts who’d had him late in life. I had a feeling that something about it had seriously affected his communication skills.

It was something we were going to talk about going forward…if there was ever a we outside of the club.

“Keep your arms at your sides.” Hoping that a more hands-on approach would help him relax, I slowly trailed my fingers over the waist of the tiny leather shorts Bailey always wore to the club.

Under it would be a sexy jock, but I took my time caressing the sensitive skin right at the base of his torso first. I could feel faint shivers running through him as his emotions continued to build. We’d need that pressure to get him to release his problem, so I just let it grow, in no hurry to take things to the next level.

When I finally unsnapped the shorts and slowly lowered the zipper, he was nearly vibrating. He was hard and part of me wanted to tease him about the sexy black jock that I knew would be framing his ass, but again, it wasn’t the right time.

As I slowly peeled off the sexy shorts I always associated with Bailey, I left his cock covered. “Take your place.”

I stroked over the band that wrapped around his hips as he shifted to obey. “This only comes off if you do a good job and tell me everything I need to know.”

He nodded, but his expression said he didn’t have a lot of confidence that he would be getting an orgasm.

What the fuck was going on?

He always got to orgasm because I loved seeing him come unraveled and he needed the stress relief. He’d pushed himself in every scene to make sure I could reward him. For him to give up so soon was telling.

I just wished I knew what he was trying to communicate.

As he took his place against the cross, he looked almost defeated. Moving slowly to restrain him against the structure, I pushed away my emotions and looked at the situation logically.

The first thing that hit me was that it wasn’t about work.

Unless something had gone horribly wrong, it just didn’t feel right or make sense with how he was acting with me. If we’d been dating, I’d have said he’d cheated or he wanted to break up. But we didn’t have the type of relationship he could cheat on, and the look on his face said he thought I’d leave him, not the other way around.

We only had a few rules, and the only ones he could have broken in some way were that we played only with each other at the club, and outside of the club, if we ended up in a serious relationship, we’d let the other know and talk it out because we’d stopped using condoms once we’d realized we wanted to play together exclusively.

The gossips around the club would’ve let it slip if he’d been seeing another Dom, so nothing made sense and just left me where we’d started…needing to pull the answers out of him.

When I had him secure, I moved behind him and ran my hands down his back and over his ass. A shiver ran through him, letting me feel his emotions, so I finally broke the silence. “If you hadn’t been hiding important things from me, I’d have been sliding your favorite plug in you right now.”

Bailey let out a quiet groan as I kneaded his cheeks, flashing his hole before moving back up his body. “But you don’t deserve that.”

The low sigh said I was on the right track, but it was time to loosen his tongue a bit.

Reaching for the flogger, I stepped back and started the familiar, soothing motion. I let the silence build as the sensations from the flogger swept through him, deliberately too light for what I knew he wanted. But I just watched and waited for a tell.

When his shoulders tightened and I could see his jaw clench, I knew we were getting closer. “You broke our first rule.”

The impact of the words shattering the quiet in the room and just the meaning in general hit him at the same time, right as I finally notched up the intensity. “Tell me what our first rule was.”

It took several long moments to get the words out, but I was patient and kept flogging him.

“I didn’t communicate with you, Sir.” His voice was thick with emotion and I could hear he felt bad about it, but it hadn’t been enough to make him talk about whatever was whirling around in his head.

“You should’ve immediately told me that you needed to confess something.”

His head gave a jerky nod. “I’m sorry.”

Getting him to elaborate on his own was nearly useless, so I tried to find an easier way. “We’re going to start again. Repeat after me. Sir, I have something I need to confess.”

Having a place to start seemed to help because the words came out smoother. “Sir, I have something to confess.” His breath hitched. “But it’s hard.”

And there was the first crack.

Continuing his flogging, I pushed at his walls. “I would’ve been supportive and had you kneel so you could feel calm and safe while you were confessing what you’d hidden from me or maybe what you’d lied about.”

He sucked in a breath and shook his head. “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.”

Well, that was clear as mud.

“What should you have told me?” He took a breath like he was trying to get the words out but nothing came. “What have you been hiding from me?”

He tugged against the restraints, but it seemed like he was fighting himself.

“What color are you?” I wasn’t surprised when “green” came out, but he continued to jerk. “Then answer my question or you know what I’ll use next.”

Bailey’s muscles tensed and he shook his head. “No, not the spoon.”

There was a faint whine in his voice that he seemed to be trying to hide, but he was too worked up to brush it away completely.

Keeping up the flogging, I reached for the spoon, making sure to drag it across the table so the anticipation could build. As I barely brushed it over his hip, more of a caress than anything, the dam broke. “I didn’t tell you because you said you wanted a regular sub and I wanted that too and I liked you, but I can’t push it away anymore and I don’t know what to do.”

It was a rambling mess that told me everything and nothing.

“What have you been pushing away?”

Instead of answering, he started to tug again. “No, I’m done. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Since I don’t wanna was not his safeword, I gave his bottom a smack with the spoon and tossed down the flogger.

His breath seemed to be caught in his throat and he shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut.

I deepened my voice and gave his ass another pop. I knew it didn’t hurt enough to have pained him, but his entire body jerked. “What have you been pushing away, Bailey?”

One last swat with the spoon that didn’t even pink his ass was all it took. “I’m a little. I need a Daddy.”

His voice cracked, and he went limp against the wood. “I’m lonely and I need a Daddy.”

Leap of Faith by MA Innes - Gay Romance Book Cover
Something’s coming between them, but Harper can’t even begin to guess what’s wrong with his relationship with Bailey.

Well, their almost relationship. When their only interactions are during scenes at the Bound & Controlled club, Harper can’t help but wonder if he even has the right to ask why Bailey is pulling away.

Bailey’s got a secret, and it’s eating away at him and his relationship with his Dom-with-benefits Harper. It doesn’t matter how he feels about Harper or what he envisions for their future, because Harper’s made one thing clear: he doesn’t like littles.

When assumptions and crossed wires erode a relationship, it’ll take a leap of faith to fix what’s broken.

**Author’s Note**

While the Bound & Controlled club is under the Shaw side of my world, this sweet age play book is definitely an M.A. Innes story.

My books as Shaw Montgomery are the more traditional side of BDSM, and my books as M.A. Innes are filled with sweet age play and fun things like puppy play. Since A Leap of Faith straddled both sides, I decided to put it under both names.

A Leap of Faith was originally included in the Dirty Daddies Pride Anthology in 2021, and no material changes have been made to the story. While it can be read as a standalone, it is book 2.5 in the timeline and takes place at the same time as Bound to You.

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